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Disclaimer: Once again I have borrowed without asking. (Do I
look sorry?) These characters who do what I tell them don't
belong to me (or else I'd be very rich). They belong to
Paramount (one company among many I'm sure). Also Doom and
Monopoly belong to other people. I played with them and didn't
put them back when I was through.
Yes, fanfic fans another insane creation from the incredibly
boring econ. class. (Aren't you glad I took this class? ^_^)
Something to pick up the spirits of those who think the week
can't get any freakin' longer.
BTW, there is a veiled reference to ST: TOS in there Any one
want to guess what that is? I'll tell you at the end.
As always if anyone thinks this is good enough for public
consumption you have my permission to put it on your site.
Please tell me first though.
For your reading pleasure...
The Fly
by
Chrysa
*The worst thing about paperwork is that when it's all
done there's nothing else to do.* Kira thought as she tapped her
nails on the her console.
On the second level of Ops Dax was thinking the same
thing while playing with her hair.
Sisko came out of his office. "I'm bored."
Kira turned to him. "So are we."
"So whatcha' wanna do?"
"I don't know. What you wanna do?"
"I don't know. What *you* wanna do?"
"I don't know. What **you** wanna do?"
"I don--"
"Guys!" Dax glared at them.
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
For a few moments there was silence.
"So whatcha' wanna do?"
"I don't know. What you wanna do?"
"I don't know -- "
"Now don't start that again!" Dax yelled.
Everyone looked at the Trill and sighed.
From the other side of Ops an Security ensign in red
said, "So whatcha' wanna--"
"AAAHH!" Dax screamed and grabbed her phaser. Before the
unfortunate ensign could say the word 'you' Dax vaped him.
Glaring at the everyone, she waved the phaser around. "Anybody
else feel lucky today?"
Everyone hastily shook their heads. An enraged Trill was
not something a person wanted to mess with on a Monday morning.
"Good." She smiled sweetly and put the phaser away.
"Now instead of asking what people want to do, why don't we
throw out suggestions and decide."
"Paint ball."
"No, those paint ball thingies hurt. Besides, we did
that last week," said Kira.
"Try to take over the world?"
"We do that every night. Lots of fun but it never
works," said the muffled voice of Chief O'Brien who was
underneath a console.
Sisko walked over to him. "O'Brien, I thought you said
all the repairs on the Ops consoles was finished."
"They are. I'm just used to being on my back when I'm in
Ops. Keep going though, don't mind me." A hand came up and
gestured that they should continue with the discussion.
"Ooookay." Sisko looked at the other officers. They
shrugged back at him.
"Talent show?"
Groans came in from all around .
"The last talent show was a dismal failure, " stated
Dax. "And I, for one, do NOT want to hear Quark sing ever
again!"
"All right. Torture Kai Winn?"
Kira checked her console where she kept a weekly
planner. "No, we did that two weeks ago don't you remember?
Ended up burning most of her hair off."
"Oh yeah." Dax dove underneath her console and pulled
out a bunch of boxes. "That reminds me, I got the pictures from
that back from the photo place yesterday." She passed the boxes
out to the crew. The left over ones she put back. "I just have
to give Odo and Julian their copies and I can sell the rest to
Quark."
"How 'bout Monopoly?"
"Absolutely not!" Roared Sisko. "I lose all my money
paying Dax at Park Place!"
Dax smirked at him. "Heh, heh, you suck! Heh, heh!"
"Doom?" Asked Kira, a hopeful look on her face.
Everyone looked at her and shook their heads.
"Kira, honey, when you play Doom you get just a little
overzealous. Last time it took me a week to repair the view
screen you put your fist through."
"That demon jumped out of nowhere and killed me!"
One of O'Brien's hands came up above his hiding place.
He pointed a finger at her and made a chiding gesture. "Exactly,
you can't control your temper when you play that game."
"Oh pooh, O'Brien's no fun."
"You guys want to prank call Necheyev?"
"The Prince Albert in a can thing's been done."
Everyone sighed.
* * * * * * *
Odo was bored stiff. Figuratively, not literally.
Although literally would have been a welcome change of pace from
the nothing he was doing now.
He'd patrolled the Promenade three times, harassed Quark
until they Ferengi had a nervous breakdown and shape shifted
into everything in his office. He could his paperwork but he
didn't have any since in second-in-command had finished it an
hour ago.
"I swear! He made her so mad she threw him across the
room!"
"Dang, I didn't know Dax could pick Worf *up* much less
throw him"
"Yeah, I wish I could' ve been a fly on the wall when
that happened!"
Two of his deputies waved to him as they passed by from
the holding area to the front door. Odo nodded to them and went
back to being bored.
For about two seconds.
"Computer, show me a picture of an Earth fly." The
phrase 'a fly on the wall' had piqued his interest and he
wondered if such a disguise would be useful in surveillance.
"Prophets, what an ugly little insect."
It was indeed ugly yet it was fascinating at the same
time. The multiple eyes, the thin wings and legs intrigued him.
It would be a challenge to copy this form.
A few minutes later one of the Bajoran deputies walked
through the doors and a little fly buzzed out.
* * * * * * *
The situation in Ops had grown dire. Boredom was sucking
the life out of everyone.
Kira was praying for the wormhole to open and Jem'Hadar
fighters to come out so she could have something to do. *Even
that Founder would be a welcome change. I just want a shot a
Jello Bitch. I could take her. I know I could.*
Buzzzz.
A fly flew near her and she half heartedly swatted at
it.
The little fly landed on her console and watched her
while rubbing its front legs together.
Kira smacked her hand down on the console, her boredom
finally finding something to focus on. She looked up as the fly
escaped the wrath of her hand irritation crossing her face.
The fly, for its part, flew like a bat out of Hell away
from her.
Buzzzzzz.
"What the--" Dax ducked as the fly dive bombed her and
flew off. Its buzz seemed to laugh at her as it headed for
O'Brien's console.
"You're gonna pay for that fly. Yes, you are." She
pulled her phaser out and fired at the annoying bug.
O'Brien poked his head above the console. "What's going
on--HEY!" He managed to duck in time to keep his head from
being blown off but could not save a large chunk of his curly
blond hair from being vaporized. When he looked back up the
top of his head was completely bald.
To make matters worse, the fly landed smack dab in the
middle of his head.
Dax smiled wolfishly and aimed at the fly. "Don't move,
Miles."
"AAAAHHHHHH!"
O'Brien ducked, the fly flew, and the wall behind them
now had a large smoking hole in it.
"Dammit, Miles! I told you to stay still!"
The fly buzzed towards Sisko, who had his hands behind
his back and a predatory smile on his face. As the fly drew
closer Sisko whipped out what looked like a netted plastic
square attached to a long handle.
WHACK!
Buzzzzz.
"Damn!"
Kira looked at him. "What's that?"
"It's called a fly swatter."
"It kills flies?"
"Yup."
"Good! A new instrument of destruction! Whoopee!" Kira
ran to a replicator and hopped up and down in front of it like a
child. "Computer! I wanna fly swatter! Gimme a fly swatter!"
A pink fly swatter appeared and she grabbed it loving
the swishing sound it made when she whipped it around.
"Come on! Everybody get one of these!"
"I'll keep my phaser thank you very much." Dax kissed
the weapon and then fired at the fly as it landed on the floor.
Buzzzz.
"Shoot. " Sparks flew up from the hole in the floor.
"Everybody watch out for the hole in the floor!"
The air became filled with the delighted cries of people
and the swishing of fly swatters as everyone became equipped
with them.
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
"Crap!" "Missed!" "Arrgh!" "Shoot!"
Sparks flew everywhere and metal melted as Dax fired at
every spot the fly landed.
Buzzzz.
"Darn it! Missed again." Dax said as she hit another
security ensign dressed in red and vaped him. "We need more
help." She hissed as she crouched back down behind the
transporter console with Kira.
"I know. What do you suggest?"
Dax smiled wickedly. "Dax to Worf."
"Worf here."
"We need your help up in Ops."
"On my way."
"And Worfie?"
"Yes, dear?"
"Bring the bat'leth, Baby!"
"ALL RIGHT!!"
* * * * * * *
*I am INVINCIBLE!*
Odo was having the time of his life. Nobody could
touch him. He dive bombed Sisko and watched as O'Brien whacked
him on the head with his fly swatter.
"O'BRIEN!"
"Sorry!"
He got up close and personal with Kira's beautiful butt
just before a security ensign in red (what is it with that
color?) hit her on it with his fly swatter. She screamed,
grabbed Dax's phaser and vaped the little man in the space of
two seconds.
"Don't you think that's overkill, Kira?"
"You're trying to kill a fly with a phaser! He hits me
on the ass with a fly swatter and you think it's overkill?!"
Odo laughed to himself.
Then the turbo lift deposited Worf onto the deck.
* * * * * * *
A Klingon warrior howl filled the air.
"AAOOGA!"
"Aaooga? That's the best you can do? Aaooga?" Dax gave
him a look of disgust. "Your other howl is more warrior like."
"Da--ax! That's for when we--you know!"
"Oh, for Prophet's sake!" Yelled Kira. She ran by
swatting him upside the head as she chased the fly around Ops.
"Ouch! That hurts!"
"Good! <WHACK!> Damn, missed!"
Buzzzzz.
O'Brien sat on the transporter pad in the lotus position
with a pair of chopsticks in his hand.
"O'Brien, what the hell are you doing?"
Screams of "I'm blind!" and "My eyes! My eyes!" could be
heard as the light reflected off O'Brien's bald dome when he
turned to Sisko.
"It's a trick Keiko taught me. I sit and meditate and
when the fly is drawn to my calm presence I pluck it out of the
air with my chopsticks. Watch." The Irish man closed his eyes
and cleared his head. In his mind's eye he pictured they fly
coming towards him and at just the right moment he snapped his
chopsticks close on it. Smiling, he opened his eyes.
Perched on his nose, the fly regarded him with curious
eyes.
WHACK!
"OW! My nothe! You bwoke my nothe, Kiwa!"
"That's what you get for not meditating right!" She
yelled as she dodged phaser fire and took off after the fly.
"KILL THE FLY!"
Ping! Crack!
Worf shook as his bat'leth wobbled in his hands. The
shiny metal railing he'd hit in an effort to slice the fly in
half mocked him with its' shiny unblemished surface.
"Wow!" He said as he swayed back and forth.
"Worf, get a hold of yourself and get that fly!"
"Yes, dear!"
Sisko looked at Dax as they stalked the fly. "You've got
him pretty well trained."
"Honey, I've got him so far wrapped around my finger
he'd walk on Cardassia Prime naked and singin' a song!"
"Ooh! Let's do that next week."
"Wonderful! I'll have Nerys pencil it in. There it is!
One... two...three!"
They lunged, Sisko with his fly swatter and Dax with
her phaser.
WHACK!
Dax fired.
Buzzz.
"Aw jeez, Old Man! That fly swatter's been in my family
for generations!" Sisko's eyes grew wide and watery with tears
as his lower lip trembled.
Dax yanked the now melted fly swatter off the equally
melted console. "Well, now it's a melted heirloom, Benny my
boy. Just replicate another one. It won't look any different."
"Yes, it will!" He ran off crying like a baby clutching
the hunk of melted plastic.
"AAOOGA!"
"You're warrior cry sucks, Worf!"
"Does not!"
"Does to!
"Does not!"
"Does to plus infinitely!"
"Arrgh!" Worf hated these games. He always lost.
Incredibly ticked off, he rammed his bat'leth into the nearest
wall.
The wall also covered a power conduit.
Blue arcs of electricity ran up and down the Klingon's
body. He shook like a doll and floated off the ground a few
inches before the power could be turned off.
Worf landed on the deck and stood there dazed and
confused. His eyes were bugging out, his skin and clothing had
scorch marks, and the hair on his head and face stood straight
up with a *really* bad case of frizz.
"Woah. Pretty stars." He said before he fell face first
onto the deck.
"Worf! You are *such* a weenie!
The fly sat on the central console and watched all of
this with interest. It didn't notice the island of red hair
floating up on the other side of the console. A pair of brown
eyes watched the fly for a moment wondering if it sensed her
presence. When it didn't she smiled and started to rise up like
the Loch Ness Monster out of the water.
*You're mine, Fly Boy.*
Odo watched Dax call the Infirmary. Suddenly a large
black shadow fell across him. He turned and saw Kira smiling
like a maniac and bringing her fly swatter down on him.
*Uh-oh.*
WHACK!
"Woo hoo! I got the fly!" Kira did a victory dance which
consisted of doing back flips (no small feat considering the
limited space she was in), hopping up and down and kicking like
a cheerleader and, finally, wiggling her butt in front of the
squished bug. "In your face, Fly Boy!"
Then she saw the golden gel seeping out from underneath
the swatter.
"Odo?"
A little high pitched voice answered her. "Helllp
Meeee!"
"Oh Prophets! I tried to kill my boyfriend!"
* * * * * * *
Chief Medical Officer's Log Stardate: umm... uh...ahh
who cares anyway?
Well we had some excitement down here today. A number
of people from Ops came in.
From what I hear Kira and Dax vaped three Security
ensigns which only goes to show that you should never piss off
Trill and Bajoran women. Does any one ever notice that the ones
who wear red always die?
Chief O'Brien's hair was phasered off and his nose was
broken. He tried to tell me what happened but I couldn't
understand him so I just smiled and nodded.
Sisko came in here bawling like a baby. I put him under
heavy sedation and threw out that *ugly* piece of plastic he had
with him.
We also had one electrocuted Klingon. I took pictures
while Dax screamed at him to suck it up and be a man. I still
have hopes that she'll dump him and discover that she always
loved me.
In the meantime I'm selling the pictures to Quark for a
*lot* of latinum. ^_^
Kira also came in screaming like a banshee and holding a
pancake flat Odo.
I'm selling the pictures of that to Quark for an
*obscene* amount of latinum. ^_^
I wish I knew what had happened up there in Ops. Sounds
like it was fun.
In any case, I am that much closer to my goal of having
enough money to erect a statue of myself in the middle of the
Promenade proclaiming me master of the universe.
Julian Bashir
CMO Deep Space 9
The End ^_^
* * * * * * *
Alright if any one remembers the orig series you
probably noticed that on many away teams there were always the
senior officers and one security officer in red right? Did you
always notice that the guy in red always died? ^_^ Since they
couldn't kill any of the main characters it was always the poor
guy in red that croaked.
Well, I guess serving in Ops on DS9 is just as dangerous
as any away mission. Especially with a trigger happy Trill.
