Title: Ladies Night Out

Author: Chrysa

Email: chrysa9@aol.com

Rating: PG-13

Category: Humor

Code: R/S, all

Summary: Ciac: Hoshi, Table, Laughter

Disclaimer: Dude! If any of us owned them there'd be better writing on the show!

Author Note: Thanks to Jessica for prodding me to write this many, many moons ago and reminding me that it was actually on my hard drive. I still can't believe we got eight pages out of this! Rofl!

***

The table was bare. The nice blue tablecloth was lying discarded on the bed and the metal gleamed dully in the light. Pads full of armory schematics and ideas for the UT that usually lay neatly stacked on it were now lying neatly stacked on the bedside table. Hoshi took a last look around checking for any stray items as the door chimed. "Come!"

"I come bearing a chair," Em said dragging a chair in behind her making the count at the table five. "How's everything else going?"

"V is bringing food. Liz has booze dutyWhat the hell was T'Pol supposed to do?"

There was silence for a few moments.

"I think she was just supposed to show up," Hoshi said finally.

"oh" Em busied herself by moving the fifth chair in with the others as the chime rang.

T'Pol stepped in and looked around. "Ensign," she said gravely with a nod of her head.

Hoshi nodded back and replied. "Hoshi. Tonight is an informal gathering. A chance for us to relax and get to know each other better."

"And lose our money to each other," Em added. "In other words, pull up a chair and let your hair down." She paused and looked at the Vulcan. "Well, figuratively at least."

"Indeed," T'Pol took a seat.

"Did I get a chance to read over the padd I gave you?" Hoshi asked.

"Yes, poker will be an excellent chance for me to practice my skills of deception."

"Bluffing, T'Pol, we call it bluffing," Em said as she got the door and let in V. "Oh thank god, food!" She immediately lifted the cover on one of the platters and filched a sandwich.

"Hey!" V set the platters down and smacked Em's hand. "Mind your manners!"

"You weren't up to your elbows in phase cannon parts for six hou-oh wait, yeah, you were. My bad!" Em laughed as V tried to smack her upside the head. "Explain to the lovely sub-commander what the purpose of poker is."

V stood at attention. "Sir, yes, sir. The purpose of poker is drinking, bluffing, laughing and talking shit!"

"Very good, Ensign!" Em smiled at T'Pol. "And on that note rank walks out the door. May I ask you a question, T'Pol?"

T'Pol thought for a moment. "Yes, but I may not answer."

"Fair enough" Em leaned on the back of a chair. "Is that the only clothing you have?"

T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "No."

"Is all your clothing exact replicas of that uniform?"

"No."

Em nodded. "So, you do wear other clothes, styles, colors et cetera we just never see you in them."

"Correct."

"Glad we cleared that up." Em said cheerfully and snagged another sandwich.

"You didn't stand still long enough the day they were giving out tact did you? You didn't' get the full amount," V said.

"Probably not."

Hoshi shook her head. "That does bring another question to mind. T'Pol is the room okay for you? Not too cold or anything?"

"The room is satisfactory. Thank you, Hoshi."

The door opened once more admitting Liz Cutler carrying two boxes. "Okay, I've got hard lemonade, beer, Plankivo for T'Pol." She smiled at the Vulcan's amazed look. Well, amazed for a Vulcan anyway. Her smile got broader as her eyes fell on Em. "And straight from Shuttle Pod One!" She pulled a bottle out from the second box.

"Bourbon!" Em reached eagerly for the bottle. "How did you manage to steal it from the shuttle pod?"

Liz shrugged. "Bribed an engineer with a cheesecake. However if anyone wants vodka you're going to have to wrestle it from Chef. He's got a strip poker game going with the Engineering chicks."

That caused all five women to pause before T'Pol raised an eyebrow and said, "That was not an image I wish to contemplate."

The five of them sat around the table, Em began to shuffle the cards, "Okay ladies, ante up."

Everyone looked around to see how much they had to add to the pot.

"Five cents ladies, then we can build up from there." Em said.

"Five cents?" V asked.

"Hey, you four have to buy me wedding gifts so we are going to start low, so I don't get any crappy presents."

"Oh we can't forget to buy you presents." Liz joked.

"Remember I love purple and I'm not a big fan of yellow. Gold I love but other yellows, like bright yellow, tend to make me look sickly."

"We will keep that in mind." T'Pol said placing five cents in the pot.

"Em, are you going to deal?" Hoshi asked.

Em looked Hoshi up and down and poured herself a drink. After taking a shot of bourbon she passed the cards towards Hoshi who cut the cards and the game began.

Three hours later most of the money was divided between T'Pol and Em. V sighed and Liz laid her head on the table.

"Hey head off table!" Em said flinging a card at Liz's head.

"I'm tired, I think I'll call it a night." Liz muttered.

"Not till I win all of your money." Em said.

"My aren't we greedy." V said arranging her cards.

"I'd rather be called ambitious." Em smiled at V.

"I think bitch is a better term." Hoshi muttered.

Em stood suddenly and started to sway. She gripped the sides of the table as Hoshi and T'Pol balanced her. "If I was able to stand up straight on my own, I would have a witty remark, but since I can't, I think I will sit back down."

"Wise choice." Liz said laughing

"Em." T'Pol said stiffly, "you are intoxicated, I suggest that you do not consume anymore bourbon."

"T'Pol, I'm not intoxicated, I'm drunk. " Em paused to look around, "In fact, I think you are soberest of us all."

"I don't think soberest is a word." V said.

"Hoshi, is soberest a word?" Liz asked.

"It is tonight."

V stood up slowly, "I'm going to go to sleep, so I will see you ladies tomorrow." V started to walk out of Hoshi's cabin, "Let's hope I can make it home before I pass out."

"Call us if you need us." Hoshi said as her door shut.

****

And while the women were getting shit-faced the men of the Enterprise were sitting in the galley with the male delegation from the planet BverIan. Before negotiations could take place the meeting area had to be blessed by the male and female spirits so harmony would reign and things would go smoothly. Each gender would separately bless the meeting place. Tonight it was the men. Tomorrow would be the women.

And so far the ceremony had been three and a half hours long with another three to go. It seemed the ceremony mainly consisted of the High Priest of the BverIans standing in the middle of the room chanting in monotone about the strengths and virtues of the male spirit.

Even the eyes of the BverIans were glazing over with boredom at this point. The only one even remotely fascinated was the Doctor and even he was wilting a little by now.

*I could have been with Hoshi*

*I could have been with Em*

*I could have been walking Porthos.*

Good thing the BverIans weren't telepathic.

****

T'Pol watched Hoshi and Em play Slap Jack.

"The point of this game is to slap the other person's hand?" T'Pol asked.

"No the purpose of the game is to get all of the cards, slapping Hoshi's hand is just a perk." Em said. A Jack was flipped and both Hoshi and Em went to slap the pile. Both of them missed.

"Em, I think I can say we are too drunk to play."

"I think you're right."

****

Hour five and the brain cells were dying by the millions.

*Did I feed my bat?*

*I wonder if I could persuade Hoshi to slip into that skimpy black teddy*

*How do you say 'Oh god, do it again!" in Spanish? DamnBut hey! I might be able to get Em to teach it to me again. Heh*

*Shit. I ran out of cheese last night.*

****

T'Pol stood. "It is getting late. I must retire to my quarters to rest." She paused at the door. "Ienjoyed myself."

Hoshi smiled blearily at her. "Same time next week?"

T'Pol nodded once more and then was gone.

Em slid off her chair. She stared up at Hoshi. "Will that hurt later?"

"Probably." Hoshi said as she struggled to help Em up. The two ended up slipping on the discarded tablecloth and falling into bed in a tangle of limbs ending up in each other's arms. There was silence for a moment as the two stared at each other before they burst out laughing.

"Sorry!" Em tried to sit up but the world titled crazily and she lay back down. "Owww! Pain..Pain bad"

"Don't even try, Em," Hoshi said sleepily. "We'd just fall on our asses and that would hurt even more."

"You sure you don't mind me resting her for a few minutes?"

"NahBesides," Hoshi replied putting her head on Em's shoulder. "You make a comfy pillow."

"Glad to be of service."

****

"No offense, Jon, but if we have to endure another night of that I'm going to have to blow up the ship."

"I'd second the motion."

"I'd probably help." Jon said bleary eyed as they, and every other man, on board stumbled away from the galley. "Tomorrow it's the ladies turn and we won't have to be there for that."

"Hallelujah."

"Ditto."

"Night gentlemen," Jon said yawning and heading into his quarters.

"Do you think we should warn them?" Trip asked as he and Malcolm walked E deck.

"Perhaps. Although part of me would take a perverse pleasure in not doing so."

"You're evil, Malcolm. By the way, did Hoshi say what they were going to do tonight while we were stuck in purgatory?"

Malcolm was silent for a few moments. "No, just that they and a few others were going to get together."

"Probably just a good gossip session or something." They stopped at Malcolm's quarters and entered.

They were greeted to a sight of liquor bottles, money, food, and two women asleep in bed. Hoshi's head was resting on Em's breasts and Em's arm was wrapped around Hoshi's waist.

"Um." Trip said.

"Hmm.." Malcolm echoed.

Em moved a bit in her sleep and mumbled, "Ay Dios, hazlo ortra vez."

A smug smile came across Trip's face, Malcolm looked at him with a questioning look, "She's dreaming of me."

"How do you know?"

"She just said 'Oh God, do it again'."

Trip and Malcolm finally stepped all the way into his cabin, the door slid shut behind them. They made their way to the table. They noticed two piles of money, one larger then the other.

"Em's." Malcolm said pointing to the larger pile.

Trip looked at the pile and started laughing. Very quickly he stifled his laughter, not wanting to wake to two sleeping women just yet.

"She has to be the only person who would put the money in the form of an E." Malcolm said.

"Bourbon." Trip said.

"What?"

"Somebody's been drinking bourbon." Trip looked at the other discarded bottles, "I hope it was more then just those two, there's a lot of liquor here."

Malcolm pointed towards the bed, "So what do we do about that?"

"Well we could leave them there to sleep it off and go to our respective quarters."

'Or?"

"Or I could pick up Em, take her home, and you could climb in with Hoshi." Trip paused, "A part of me is almost disappointed they are still clothed."

Malcolm looked over at Trip.

"What? Oh come on Malcolm, imagine walking in to see these two naked, in bed together. It would be quite a sight."

"These two women are very special to each of us, you are marrying Em, and I'm madly in love with Hoshi, we should not be thinking about them naked in bed with each other."

Trip glanced over at Malcolm.

"But it would be an interesting sight." Malcolm conceded.

Hoshi picked her head and opened her eyes. Slowly she motioned for them to come over to where they were. Malcolm and Trip knelt on the side of the bed.

In a low voice Hoshi said, "I'm drunk and using Em's breasts for a pillow."

Malcolm reached out and stroked Hoshi's face, "I know darling, would you like Trip to take Em and me to climb into bed or would you like to stay the way you are?"

"I would like for everyone to shut up." Em muttered.

Trip smiled and brushed Em's hair away from her face, "Hey baby."

"Mmm hey Charlie." Em raised an arm towards him.

Malcolm moved away from the bed so Trip could pick up Em. Trip picked Em up as gently as possible and made his way over to the door, "Malcolm, come open the door."

Trip and Em left Hoshi's cabin. Malcolm took off his uniform and crawled in next to Hoshi who automatically moved into his embrace. Malcolm asked, "Did you have a nice time tonight?" All Malcolm got was a muffled sound and Hoshi falling back to sleep.

While Trip carried her, Em took the liberty to start kissing and sucking on Trip's neck. Trip was trying not to think about what she was doing but his body was responding on its own.

"Baby you need to stop." The only response he got was Em kissing her way up to his earlobe. Only a little bit farther, just don't think about it.

Finally Trip made it to their door, thankfully for Trip, Em was conscious enough to tighten her grip on his neck so he could open the door. Trip laid her on the bed and started to get undressed. He looked down to see her sound asleep. Sighing in defeat he stopped taking off his clothes to get her out of her uniform. Then with a sigh he got undressed and climbed in next to her.

****

The next night

"I don't believe this," Trip declared as he stared into the galley.

Malcolm's eyebrows shot up. "This is what that gigantic box we set up this morning is for?"

"I don't believe this!" Trip exclaimed.

"Part of me desperately wishes I was a woman right now," Jon said wistfully. At Malcolm and Trip's stare he glared at them in exasperation. "Given that this is the way they worship the female spirit on their planet I think we got the raw end of the deal don't you agree?"

The others mumbled in agreement.

All the women of the Enterprise and the High Priestess sat happily ensconced in a gigantic mud bath talking, laughing and drinking. They stopped for a moment and looked at the crowd of men standing slack jawed at the galley entrance.

"WE ARE WOMEN HEAR US ROAR!"

As one they waved then let out a peals of laughter as the men just shook their heads and walked away.

End

*****

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