Title: All I Want For Christmas
Author: Chrysa
Email: chrysa9@aol.com
Pairing: D/J
Rating: PG-13 (probably not but we'll be on the safe side)
Feedback: yeahsureyabetcha
Disclaimer: I don't own it. I'd be rich if I did. Do I look rich? No. But I really wish I was. The only characters that do belong to me are ones that haven't been seen on the show.
Archive: Take it but leave the disclaimers etc. intact. Just let me know where it's going.
Author note: Not betaed. All mistakes are mine. This has been poking around in my brain for a little while. I know the auction thing has been done before in Stargate fandom. This is my variation of it. Um...heh... people's names do show up in this one. You'll see what I mean. The use of the song 'All I Want for Christmas' is sung by Mariah Carey and was inspired by Michelle's video. Definitely a squee worthy video. Go hunt it down and watch it.
This is my strange little Christmas present to all the D/Jers out there. Love you guys! Merry Christmas!!!
****
The dance floor of the club was packed with the bodies of SGC personnel gyrating and losing their inhibitions after a hard day's work. In one corner, four women had managed to commandeer a table and were watching a tall man with light brown hair and blue eyes laughing and talking with several of his friends at the bar. Three of the women turned to the fourth with varying expressions of dismay.
"Wait a minute. You have one of the hottest men on the face of the planet visiting your office on a daily basis; you're visiting his office on a daily basis. You're in and out of each other's houses and lives and you two haven't been jumping each other's bones?" Valentine O'Hara closed her eyes and shook her head at Janet and downed her jello shot. "I don't know whether to be disgusted or admire your restraint."
"Be disgusted," Rei Nakamura said sourly. "It's the route I'm taking." She signaled the waiter for another round.
Outraged, Janet looked to her best friend for support and found her laughing. "Sam!"
Sam laughed and accepted a new beer bottle from the waiter. "No, don't look at me. I've been watching this play act itself out for about the last four or five years. I'm convinced you two are hopeless."
"And here I thought the two of you were just too crafty for the rest of us," Rei paid the harried waitress that deposited their drinks. "I was going to congratulate you for keeping it all under the radar!" She ducked as Janet cried out in exasperation and swatted her. She started laughing. "I was going to be sneaky about it! 'Janet!'" She threw her arms around Janet and stage whispered in her ear. "'Did you get up close and personal with his appendix scar? And I don't mean in a professional way!'"
The others snickered and Janet finally broke down and joined them. "Seriously, Janet," Sam said. "Make a move. You've got nothing to lose." She tapped Janet on the end of her nose. "Grab him before some undeserving wench like that Sara decides to sink her claws into him and we have do something dastardly to save him." Val and Rei nodded in agreement.
"You people are insane." After a few moments she looked up and saw Daniel smiling at her from his place at the bar with Jack and Teal'c. "Well...Maybe I'll get lucky and I'll get him for Christmas."
****
"Say something to her!" Jack said as Daniel turned away from Janet's table.
"I...I can't," Daniel said resting his elbows on the bar. "I mean what if she doesn't feel the same way."
"Oh please," Jack rubbed the bridge of his nose. "This from a man who decided to take on Anubis."
"I wasn't scared of him," Daniel groused taking a sip of his drink. "I *am* scared that she's going to laugh at me."
"There is no shame in expressing feelings of love and desire," Teal'c said sagely as the bartender deposited another glass of orange juice in front of him. "The shame is in letting fear govern your actions."
Jack raised his glass to Teal'c. "There you go. He don't say much but when he does...man, take notes." He downed his drink as Teal'c bowed his head.
Daniel shook his head at the two of them. "Janet saying she loves me would be nothing short of a Christmas miracle."
****
Cassie sat on her bed and chewed on the end of her pen as she made out her Christmas list. "Sam? Check. Jack? Check. Teal'c? Check. Daniel? Check. Mom?" At this Cassie groaned and put her head down on her notebook. What do you get for the mom who didn't want anything but for you to get good grades in college and to save your money for a new car?
It was a dilemma that had been bothering her for weeks. Looking for something that shouted 'Janet' was just incredibly difficult this year. Cassie absently flipped through catalogs then tossed them off to bed. Rolling over, she glared at the ceiling as if daring some omnipotent being to strike her with inspiration.
It was an SGC Ladies Night Out get together and clubbing had been the choice of the cafeteria women. Cassie, underage at nineteen, hadn't been able to go which was fine with her. She was able to go to most events so being excluded from one didn't hurt her feelings. She'd been able to hook up with a few friends and catch up on things. However, she couldn't wait to be twenty-one. Then she'd be able to get in on the good stuff - the stuff that had cops showing up and people talking about the good time they'd had for days afterward.
The front door opening downstairs wasn't quite the inspiration she was looking for though. Cassie looked over at the clock noticing that midnight had already come and gone. "I wonder if it's a sad thing when your mom gets home later than you?" she murmured and rolled off the bed. Cracking open the door to her room she poked her head out ready to join in on the fun if it were Sam stumbling through the door with her mom. However, the distinctly male rumble of Daniel's voice had her tiptoeing through the upstairs hall and looking down through the rails on the banister like a child on Christmas Eve.
"I had a really good time tonight," Janet laughed as she held onto his arm and took her heels off. "Thanks for driving me."
"I had a lot of fun, too," Daniel chuckled. "I didn't think Jack knew how to swing dance let alone flip Mrs. Danvers in the air like that."
Janet burst out laughing and wobbled into Daniel. "Whoops! I guess I had..." Her voice trailed off as she looked up at him.
Daniel had caught her up in his arms and stared back down at her, their faces a few inches apart. "Had?"
*Kiss her!!! Kiss him!! Somebody kiss somebody for cryin' out loud!!* Cassie urged from her spot on the stairs. The UST those two generated could be cut with a knife and Cassie for one was getting sick of it.
"Too...much...to drink," Janet finally whispered. They had inched closer together and in the dark they looked like one shape. Just one or two more inches and there would be no light between their faces and that's what Cassie was hoping for.
Right up until Daniel's brain re-engaged and he cleared his throat. Stepping away from Janet he made sure she was steady enough to stand on her own before taking his hands from her waist. "Um...I'll...I'll see you on Monday, Janet. Thank you for a great night."
"Oh...um...of course, Daniel. Anytime."
Cassie could almost see Janet blinking in confusion and then blushing in embarrassment. *Idiot!* She banged her head on the rails as the door opened and Daniel left. With a frustrated sigh, Cassie walked back to her room. Flopping onto her bed, Cassie stuck her head under a pillow and let out an aggravated scream. She brought her head back out as Janet knocked on her door. "Yeah, Mom?"
Janet peeked in and smiled tiredly at her daughter. "Hey, thought you'd still be out."
Cassie smiled and shook her head. "Everyone either has to work tomorrow, got roped into a family thing, or has a paper due. So I came back to work on my Christmas list." She lifted a few pieces of paper and smiled at her mom giving no sign that she'd witnessed the romantic debacle downstairs.
"Well, it's getting late. You should go to bed," Janet said and started to close the door.
"Mom?"
"Hmm?" Janet looked back.
"Did you have a good time tonight?"
A smile flashed across Janet's face but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Yeah, honey, I had a great time. Night." She closed the door softly behind her.
"Night." Cassie said and fought down the urge to call up Daniel and give him a piece of her mind. It was a familiar urge borne out of watching scenes like this since his coming back from wherever it was Ascended beings hung out.
She just couldn't understand them. Janet and Daniel had always been close and Cassie - as well as a few others - had seen sparkage over the years. They tended to gravitate towards one another. They sat together and usually teamed up when discussing things or teasing one of their friends. However, since he'd come back they'd grown closer, everything meant a little more. There were shy looks, 'accidental' brushes against one another...in fact there was everything to suggest they'd have a grand ol' time if one of them would JUST MAKE A MOVE!!
Cassie glanced at a picture of her, Janet and SG-1 on a wall. "Hopeless. They're just friggin' hopeless." She'd known little old ladies who'd got it goin' on faster than her mom and Daniel. Maybe she'd have a little luck if she locked the two of them in a closet or something. Maybe then they'd do a little more than peck each other on the cheek good night.
Cassie paused and shook all over for a second. Parental sex: baaaaaad thought. She didn't really need to go anywhere near there right? No. However, she did want her mom happy. Getting her together with Daniel, especially since he seemed to reciprocate those romantic feelings, was a good thing. Parental happiness was a good goal. Cassie decided to concentrate on that and push the other thought far to the back of her mind and lock it in a box. Then she weighed it down with chains and dropped it off a cliff.
It was when she was piling all her paper up in preparation to go to bed that the gold envelope caught her eye. She vaguely remembered picking it up with her mail and then being distracted by something else. Curious, she opened it and smiled. "It's perfect."
****
Sam wondered if it was the hangover that was jacking up her sense of hearing or if Cassie had said what she thought she'd said. "You want to what?" She asked as Cassie brought her an ice pack from the kitchen.
"I want to buy Daniel," Cassie said matter-of-factly as she sat down on the coffee table.
Oh, god, she really had said that. "Ewwwww."
Cassie's eyes went wide as the implications of Sam's 'ew' went through her mind. "You're disgusting, Sam."
"Me? I'm not the one who wants to buy her uncle!" Sam shivered and made a face.
"Not for me! For Mom!"
"Oh," Sam blinked as that thought percolated in her brain and scrubbed the other image away. "Oh, thank god. That's okay then. Except for one thing." She squinted at Cassie. "You can't bid at the auction, sweetie. You have to be twenty-one to bid."
The annual Cheyenne Mountain Bachelor Auction was in one week. Done as a lark to help out the Spouses and Orphans Fund as well as several charities that needed extra help during the holiday season it had become an extremely popular event. It was also one of the few black tie events that the SGC held. The auction, which rotated between the larger groups of women for it's planning and execution, belonged to the Infirmary staff this year with Sam's department ready to step in should a huge medical emergency arise.
The rules were very simple. Invitations were sent out every year on the first of December. Two guests were allowed with the invited party but everyone had to be eighteen or over to attend. Bidding was restricted to people twenty-one and over.
Successful bidders were given the bachelor's ownership papers for the weekend and a certificate to a romantic restaurant in town that had agreed to donate dinners to help out. As a thank you for attending, everyone was invited to one of the local dance clubs that the SGC personnel frequented. The club had agreed to give a percentage of money they earned on drinks to charity and close their doors to everyone else for the night. It kept everything light and fun and kept anyone from having 'expectations' because of the amount of money that they had bid. After that whatever happened was between two consenting adults.
"That's why I need your help, Sam. I can't bid and I know how much Daniel will go for," Cassie said earnestly. "I've been stuck on a present for Mom for weeks and this is the only thing that feels right. You know how much they like each other. Maybe this will get them together."
Sam groaned and slowly rolled off the couch. Yeah she knew how much Daniel and Janet liked one another. No one could get away from it. There'd been talk among the SGC Ladies that something would have to be done before those two drove everyone up the wall. She stumbled into the kitchen and found the coffee maker. Letting her head fall on the cool tile, Sam urged her brain to try and wake up. *Think, Brain, think! You're good at that. You save the world on a weekly basis. If anyone knew about you they'd turn you into a TV show like 'Macgyver'...Except it'd be 'Carter'.*
"Sam? Why are you humming the theme to 'Macgyver'?"
"Huh?" Sam's TV fantasy exploded into a million pieces and she plunged back to reality: leaning over her kitchen counter with a hangover desperately waiting for the coffee maker to do its job. "Oh...Well...Okay, Cassie. You want to buy Daniel as a Christmas present for your mom right?"
"Right." Mercifully, Cassie took the plug of the coffee maker and stuck it into a socket. "I can't bid on him and I can't let Mom bid on him."
"Janet couldn't bid on him," Sam said standing up and tilting her head back until she could look at her cottage cheese ceiling. God, it was ugly. No wonder she didn't look at it often. She should rig something to make it look better. "She wouldn't have the money to do it. When the auction first started up she could have. Daniel was a reasonable price back then. Now? The year he came back from his Ascension he went for about two thousand, five hundred. This year Sarah's predicting it'll be closer to three. He's damn popular."
She shook her head and looked warily at the toast Cassie was making. "With helping you with school, the mortgage and a few other things all of her money's tied up. Plus, if she can't have Daniel she won't bid on anyone else anyway." She glanced at the teenager. "How much money did you have for this?"
Cassie looked at her sheepishly. "Five hundred. That's a nice chunk of my saving's right now but it'd be worth it to make her happy."
"Happy is a good goal. However, if she even *thinks* I loaned you the money she'd skin me alive. And there'll be no end to the hell she'll unleash if she knows you dumped *any* money into it." Cassie handed her a cup of coffee and they sat at the table and thought for a moment. "Okay. We're screwed if we play fair right?"
"Right," Cassie agreed wondering what twisted idea was running through Sam's head.
Sam sighed and finished her coffee, her brain making the slow march back to sobriety. "So if we're screwed playing fair. What do we do?"
"Cheat?"
"I prefer the term 'bend the rules.'" Sam said. "And if bending them doesn't work we'll break them. Now what are the cardinal rules of 'bending the rules'?"
Cassie thought for a moment. "If you want to do something sneaky and underhanded you call Val. If you want to do something sneaky, underhanded and get away with it you call Sarah. If you want to do sneaky, underhanded, get away with it *and* have someone who can break you out of jail you call Rei. If you want to make money out of it, get all three."
"Good girl...could you do that quietly while I go find some aspirin?"
****
An hour later three severely hung over women and Teal'c were camped out on Sam's living room floor. Well, actually Teal'c was on the couch. At Cassie's statement that she wanted to buy Daniel they all had the same reaction:
"EWWWWW!"
"That is a most distasteful suggestion, CassandraFraiser."
Cassie rolled her eyes and looked at the ceiling. "Am I going to get that reaction every time I ask for help on this?!"
"YES!"
"Most definitely."
"She wants to buy him at the auction as a Christmas present for Janet," Sam clarified.
"Ohhhh..." They looked from Sam to Cassie then at each other in confusion. "But she's-"
"Yeah," Sam drawled as she sat in an armchair with a washcloth over her eyes.
Rei rubbed her forehead, "And she's-"
"Yup," Sam said, swinging a foot back and forth.
Sarah attempted to get her eyes open. "How much-"
"Not enough," Sam answered.
"Crap," Val rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. "Damn that's a horrible looking cei -"
"Yeah, thought the same thing," Sam said grateful that her eyes were covered. Then she pulled off the washcloth looked at Teal'c. "No offense, Teal'c but why are you here?"
"I was SarahBrightman's designated driver last night. She has a most impressive collection of sci-fi memorabilia."
"He stayed over and I promised to take him back to the mountain today," Sarah said as she crawled over to a shadowed corner and sighed in relief. "Or shopping...or whatever. As soon as my brain took up residence in my head again that is."
Val reached over and whacked Rei on the head. "OWW!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" The Japanese woman glared at her redheaded friend and kicked her.
"You're the evil mastermind! Think dammit!! If I see him mooning after Janet for one more year I'm going to lock them in a closet!"
"That's not a bad idea," Sam said. "'Seven minutes in heaven' ring a bell for anyone?" She looked at Teal'c again. "Don't ask."
"Must I always think of the plans?" Rei moaned. "Someone else come up with a plan. Sam! You come up with a plan."
"I'm exempt. I saved the world the other day. I don't have to think of a plan until next week." Sam waved her off.
"Crap!" Rei buried her head under her hands and moaned in pain.
Cassie looked from one woman to the other. Then she got on the phone. "Hello? Jack? Could you come over to Sam's?"
****
Jack looked like his head was going to explode. Of course that might have been the Jack Daniels from last night coming back to haunt him. "Cassie? Baby? You know I love you but please, please, *please* tell me you don't want Daniel for yourself."
"No, I want him for my mom," Cassie explained patiently.
"Oh good cause the other thought? Ew!!" Jack shuddered.
"Yeah I get that reaction a lot," she said plopping down onto a chair. "You guys just live in the gutter don't you?"
"Not a bad place to be," Rei said carefully sipping a cup of coffee. "Just depends on how perverted you get." She blinked and looked around as everyone's jaw dropped. "Oh please! You're just as bad as I am."
"In your case, Rei, you'd have to swim *up* to even see the gutter," Sarah said laughing.
"Of course," Rei said proudly. "Now, let's see where we stand. We're all agreed that they're in love with each other right?"
There were nods all around.
"We're all agreed that something needs to be done right?"
A chorus of yeses answered her.
"And this is a pretty good Christmas present Cassie's come up with right?"
Everyone looked at one another and nodded.
"We've got a week to pull this off. What do we do?"
Everyone looked at each other blankly and groaned. Rei closed her eyes in pain and grabbed the aspirin bottle. "Okay...I'll put it another way. What *can't* we do?"
Sarah sighed. "We can't take him out of the auction. Not without some kind of compensation for him. He's worth too much money."
"Right. And there's not enough time to take up a collection to pay for him," Sam said tiredly. "Everyone's money is tied up in Christmas presents and bills this time of year. Plus, the people we could get money out of are the ones that want him for themselves."
Cassie looked around the room. It seemed hopeless. "Too bad we just can't auction off Jack and Teal'c. You should hear what some women said they'd pay for them."
That got everyone's attention. The women looked at each other, evil little smiles growing on their faces. Jack and Teal'c looked at each other in alarm. Well, Jack looked alarmed. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"From the mouths of babes," Val cackled.
"No! No! Who will emcee this thing if I'm on the block?" Jack said desperately.
"Indeed, who will keep the guests from going backstage and pawing the merchandise?" Teal'c asked reasonably. Both men knew it was a lost cause though. Sacrificed on the altar of love they gave each other another look and gave in.
Sam looked at them thoughtfully. "A decorated general and the good looking Teal'c. You can't go wrong with that combination."
"Hey!" Jack said with an offended look on his face. "I'm not good looking?" he pouted.
****
Janet flinched as the sun hit her eyes. With a groan she turned over and attempted to hide only to realize she'd slept on top of the covers in the dress she'd had on last night. Then she remembered what happened. A depressed sigh escaped her lips and she slowly got up and stumbled into the bathroom.
Carefully, avoiding looking at herself in the mirror Janet slipped into the shower and let the warm water relax her. "Idiot," she said to herself. "I really need to stop doing things like this to myself. If he'd wanted you he would have said something by now."
Right, if he'd wanted you he would have done something by now, too, she thought washing the night before off of her. Janet had given him plenty of opportunities; she'd dropped hints the size of the Titanic and all had sunk. She toweled off and wrapped a robe around herself. As she sat down on her bed and turned on her radio the invitation to the bachelor auction caught her eye.
"I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own"
Janet stared at the radio as if it had betrayed her. "That's just so wrong." She said and flopped back down on the bed.
****
"More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas
Is you..."
Daniel glared at his radio as he sat down to a cup of coffee. "That's just so wrong," he muttered and sipped as he looked at the roster for the bachelor auction.
Last.
Again.
If there were only one reason to hate the holiday season it would be the bachelor auction. Anyone who raked in a lot of money was moved to the end at the next auction. And since Teal'c never got auctioned and Jack escaped by emceeing every year it was Daniel who ended up being one of the most eligible bachelors left on the block.
He was beginning to despise being a bachelor. He was glad to help out but he didn't want to be out on the auction block anymore. He wanted to be owned.
Permanently owned.
By one woman in particular.
"And look how you keep screwing that up, genius," he growled. "Two PhDs, twenty-three languages and you can't tell Janet 'I'm in love with you. Wanna go out sometime?'" He paused and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Of course, it might be a good idea to put that in more romantic terms...and not freak every time she touches you."
"Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is
You..."
He glared at the radio. "Bah humbug," he said tossing a muffin at the radio and knocking it off the counter.
****
The following week was one of awkward meetings and shy flirting between Daniel and Janet. Sarah put a bee in Dr. Carmichael's bonnet about taking over Daniel's care and helped organize the auction end of Cassie's present. Sam took Jack and Teal'c out tuxedo shopping.
In the meantime, Rei and Val, deciding that the money Jack and Teal'c would bring in wasn't going to be enough quietly put word out about Cassie's gift idea and begged everyone for a small donation. Then they kissed their vacations goodbye and matched the amount dollar for dollar. It was for charity after all and it gave Daniel a good enough showing in the auction to 'unofficially' pull him from the bachelor list without raising too many outside eyebrows. In the meantime, Cassie set about buying a few things to accompany her Christmas present.
Daniel became increasingly antsy and irritable not wanting to be bought by anyone but Janet. At his repeated pleas to get out of the auction an exasperated Sarah finally declared, "If you want out you're going to have to pay five thousand, Daniel! Take it or leave it!"
He'd left her alone after that.
****
Saturday
"Not that one, Mom." Cassie said coming into Janet's bedroom and snatching the perfectly respectable black evening gown out her hands.
"And what's wrong with it." Janet demanded making a grab for it.
Cassie danced out of reach and opened the closet door. "It screams 'I don't think I'm worth it', Mom. It's completely inappropriate."
Janet crossed her arms and raised an elegant eyebrow.
"Mom, you're beautiful. You're in your prime and you are not an old maid." Cassie pointed at the black dress. "Now, while that is very nice and conservative for a dinner with people you'd like to make a nice impression on it is certainly not going to work for tonight."
"I'll have you know I dress a little more risky than that black number." Janet groused.
"Then why aren't you tonight?" Humming a Christmas tune Cassie rooted around in the closet and pulled out a lovely red one-shoulder floor length satin dress with a slit up the side. "Now this!! This is a dress! Reminds me of a Greek goddess. Did they wear red?"
Janet's jaw dropped. She'd bought that dress on a whim one day and stuffed it in the back of her closet. "That dress?! That's a dress you-"
"Seduce someone in!" Cassie said proudly. She tossed it onto the bed and started rooting around for shoes.
"Please tell me you're not seducing men, Cassie."
Cassie paused in her hunt and looked out of the closet. "No, Mom. I can assure you I haven't been seducing men."
"Oh, thank god," Janet sank onto the bed in relief. "I hoped I'd raised you with some sense."
"You did, Mom. Catch." Janet jumped as a pair of red heels landed in her lap. "What are you sitting there for? Go change! You've got a half hour to get to the hotel! And pull your hair out of that bun. It won't work with the dress." She pushed Janet into the bathroom and shut the door. As soon as she heard her mother changing, Cassie rushed to the phone. "Hey, it's me. Give me a half hour to get her out of the house."
****
"You are so incredibly lucky that mistletoe isn't a controlled substance," Rei said as she, Val and Sam got out of her SUV. Opening the back the small Japanese woman pulled out several garbage bags of the stuff. Sam and Val pulled out the other bags of decorations that Cassie had stashed at their houses. "Do you know how many stores we cleaned out of this stuff?! Good grief. Honey, what are we going to do with all of it?"
"Well," Cassie said coming out and grabbing a bag. "I've got a plan. Hopefully, I bought enough tacks to carry it out."
****
That night at the hotel, Infirmary nurses rushed about the ballroom in their evening gowns making sure the tuxedoed bachelors were given their correct lot numbers and that no enterprising bidders were sneaking backstage to get a look at the merchandise. Soft classical music played over the stereo system and the mood in the room was one of anticipation.
Daniel turned from Teal'c as Jack sauntered up to them. "Looking good, Jack."
"Thank you. Thank you," Jack preened. "Ready, Daniel?"
Daniel grimaced. "Consider this my good deed for the year and don't ask me to do anything else. Hi, Sam! You look beautiful." He held his hands out and Sam took them. She kissed him on the cheek and obediently let him look over her dark blue gown. "Gorgeous. Don't you think, Jack?"
Teal'c leaned over and closed Jack's mouth.
"I'll take that as a compliment," Sam laughed. She reached up and fiddled with Jack's tie. "Has anyone seen Janet?"
"I know she's here," Daniel replied. "I haven't seen her though. Everyone keeps talking about this dress sh-"
Sam, Jack, and Teal'c looked at Daniel to see his jaw dropping as he stared across the room. Then they looked over and felt their own jaws dropping in astonishment. Gliding across the floor towards them was Janet in the red dress. Taking her cue from the style of the dress Cassie had pulled Janet's hair back and off her neck with combs and curled it. The way her hair cascaded down the back of her head gave Janet the look of having longer hair than she really did and showed off her neck and shoulders.
"Wow." Sam said.
"I'll second that," Jack breathed.
"You look very well, DoctorFrasier," Teal'c said with a small bow. "I believe the word would be 'ravishing'."
Janet laughed and turned around to show them the rest of the dress. "Cassie found it in the back of my closet." She shifted uncomfortably. "I'm a little self conscious in it actually."
"No!" Sam exclaimed. "No, it's beautiful. Right, Daniel?" She asked nudging her silent friend.
Teal'c reached over and shut Daniel's mouth for him.
"I just wanted to tell you good luck, Daniel," Janet said rising on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm sorry I can't bid on you but I know you'll do well," she wiped the faint mark her lipstick had made off of his cheek.
"Thank you, Janet," Daniel blushed. "Is it warm in here?" He suddenly asked tugging at his collar. "I'm going to go check on the air conditioning. I don't think it's working right." He staggered off still tugging at his collar.
Jack chuckled and leaned over to whisper in Janet's ear. "Take that as a compliment."
Janet laughed. "I'll do that. I'm going back out front to greet guests. I'll see you guys in a bit." With a wave, she vanished into the crowd.
Jack's eyes were glued to her retreating figure until the crowd swallowed her. "Damn," he finally said.
"I will definitely second that," Sam fanned herself.
"I would have to agree," Teal'c said. "It would seem that Cassandra is more talented than we gave her credit for."
"I thought I heard my name being taken in vain," Cassie said as she sauntered over to them. "I also saw the affect that dress had on Daniel," she smiled, ridiculously pleased with herself.
"Is everything ready, Cassie?" Jack asked eyeing her green dress and deciding that it didn't reveal too much.
"Yeah, everything's ready to go at home. All we have to do is get them there." Cassie sighed, "I'm sorry Daniel got a token bid. I feel bad about that."
Sam snorted. "Don't worry about it, Cassie. Your psychotic Santa's helpers over there," she pointed to where Rei and Val were keeping an eye on Daniel and fashioning a campy looking Christmas bow, "got the word out and there were enough donations to match what he made last year." She leaned in close to Cassie's ear. "Although I think the donations that came in were half that and they just matched it."
"Oh wow," Cassie's eyes widened. "That was really sweet of them."
"They're insane but they've got good hearts." Jack chuckled. "Ooop, there goes Daniel. I think he's going to take Sarah up on her offer." Quickly, they rushed over to watch the eruption.
Daniel himself had been standing on side of the stage looking out at the people filling up the hotel ballroom. He'd caught Janet's eye and, at the sad and wistful look she'd given him, lost it and grabbed Sarah. He dragged her off to the payment table and pulled out his credit card. "I want out, Sarah!! I don't want to spend a bunch of hours bored to tears with some woman who happens to have a big pocket book!"
Sarah pretended to be shocked. "Why, Daniel! You never had a problem with it in the past! What changed?"
"Janet! I'm in love with, Janet!! I don't want someone else to buy me. I want her to buy me and she can't!" His nicely tuxedoed chest heaved mesmerizing the women in the vicinity who had stopped to watch the drama.
Sarah looked him up and down, pursing her lips in thought. "All right," she agreed and quickly ran his credit card through the machine. Then she looked over his shoulder at Jack and smirked. "I think he set a new record, sir."
Daniel looked at them in confusion. "What?"
Jack whistled as he took a look at the ledger. "Seven thousand five hundred, Daniel. That is a new record." He looked at Teal'c. "I only hope we can do as well."
"As do I," Teal'c said inclining his head slightly. He turned to Sam. "Do you think we will do as much?"
"I hope so," Sam said patting his arm. "You look good in a tux, Teal'c."
"Thank you, Samantha."
"Hey!!" Jack gestured at himself. "What am I? Chopped liver?!"
Cassie laughed and hugged him. "You look very good, Jack."
"Aww. You don't have to say that."
Daniel suddenly felt as if he'd gone down the rabbit hole. He looked from Jack to Teal'c and back again. "You two are going out there?!" Then he looked from Cassie to Sam before swinging over to Sarah. "Seven thousand?! What's going on?"
Jack smiled and leaned against the table. "You must have been a very good boy this year, Daniel. You get to escape this. Santa," he said picking up Daniel's bachelor papers, "decided to give you to a very deserving lady. His bid was a very generous one and it was enough to pull you from the auction."
"Add the five thousand you just gave to get yourself out of this," Rei smirked, "and you set a new record, Daniel."
"And to add to the generosity," Sarah said, "the general and Teal'c agreed to let themselves be put up for auction." She nodded graciously and smiled at the chorus of agreements from the women around them. It made the general and Teal'c look good to say they'd volunteered instead of saying they were hijacked into this insane scheme.
Daniel's eyes narrowed as he tried to follow the story. "Who was the bidder?"
"Santa Claus," Jack handed him the papers and pointed to Santa's name. "See?"
"That's Sarah's handwriting," Daniel said in exasperation. "Who was the bidder?"
"Daniel, give it up," Val said. "You're not going to find out."
Daniel looked down at the papers again. "If I've already been bought..." He turned to Sarah outraged. "That means-"
"No refunds. Ladies!" She snapped her fingers and Rei and Val ceremoniously tied their Christmas bow around Daniel's neck.
"Now...that looks cute," Val said as Rei took out a camera and snapped several pictures.
Daniel looked at Jack and batted the bow from his mouth. "So I'm going to be a Christmas present?" He asked in disbelief.
"Yes! " Jack put his arm around Daniel's shoulders and steered him towards Cassie. "Now, Teal'c and I are doing you a *huge* favor by going out there and humiliating ourselves. As payment we'll take your firstborn."
"Am I going to wake up soon?"
Sam rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Cassie you ready to go?"
"Yeah. Come on, Daniel," Cassie took Daniel's arm and started leading him away. "Have to get you wrapped all nice and pretty." She waved to the others. "I'll see you in a bit!"
Jack rolled his eyes as Geri Halliwell's version of 'It's Raining Men' started over the loudspeaker signaling that the auction would start soon. "Ready, Teal'c?"
"Indeed, O'Neill. It is time to face the music."
"Yeah, but why is it always *this* song?"
****
Janet surveyed the ballroom one last time before taking her seat. She sat back with a sense of satisfaction at how well everything seemed to be going. The infirmary women had worked damn hard to pull this off and they deserved to have everything go without a hitch. She felt a momentary jab of sadness at the thought of Daniel leaving with someone else tonight but one didn't always get what one wanted. She'd go home and open a nice bottle of wine and take a long bath...alone.
Damn.
A hush fell over the crowd as the curtains parted to reveal the night's emcee. Instead of Jack, Sarah stepped out and took the podium. Janet felt her jaw drop and she looked around frantically. What had gone wrong?
"Good evening, ladies! Welcome to the Eighth Annual Cheyenne Mountain Bachelor Auction!" Sarah smiled brightly as the room filled with cheers. "We do have a slight change in our program, however. Due to unforeseen circumstances one of our most popular bachelors, Dr. Daniel Jackson, will not be joining us tonight."
Janet felt her stomach drop into her shoes as the room filled with the sounds of disappointed women. What was wrong with Daniel? He was fine ten minutes ago! Quickly, she rose and started to make her way to the backstage area. She'd taken only a few steps when Sam caught her arm. "Sam! What's going on?"
"Daniel had to leave suddenly," Sam explained. "Cassie wasn't feeling well and he took her home before any of us realized what was going on. They sent me out to get you." She helped Janet put her coat on.
"Awww, I know. It's so disappointing," Sarah continued from the stage. "However," she smiled, "to make it up to you wonderful ladies two gentlemen offered to take his place...General O'Neill and ever popular Murray!"
Janet and Sam cringed as the room exploded into cheers, applause, and wolf whistles. "You guys got Jack and Teal'c to do this? What drug did you slip them?!"
Sam laughed. "Don't worry about it. Just get home as soon as you can."
****
Janet rushed into the house as quickly as she could. "Cassie?" She tossed her coat and purse in the direction of the coat rack. It took a few moments for the dim lighting and romantic music to register and she suddenly stopped at the entrance to the living room.
Someone had transformed her living room into a kind of winter wonderland. The dim lighting came from candles that had been placed all over the room including the fireplace. The Christmas tree lights had been turned on adding its cheery glow to the place. Furniture had been pushed back so that the center of the room was cleared and everything was covered with a soft layer of cotton to mimic snow. Snowflake decorations were hanging down from the ceiling. The ceiling itself was completely covered in...
Mistletoe?
"What on earth?" Janet slowly walked into her living room turning around slowly so she could take in everything. A noise from the kitchen made her turn. "Daniel?"
"Hi, Janet," he said sheepishly.
"What's going on?" She took a few steps then had to take off her heels so that they wouldn't snag the cotton snow. "Where's Cassie?"
Daniel looked at his watch. "I suspect that she's probably back at the hotel by now."
"Okay..." Janet said slowly getting a small inkling of what might be going on. "So what are the 'unforeseen circumstances' that are keeping you from the auction?"
A blush suffused Daniel's face. "Apparently, I was already purchased."
Janet chuckled. "Really? By whom?"
"Santa Claus, in the guise I suspect of Cassie, Sam, and a few others if not the entire SGC," Daniel said handing Janet his ownership papers. Then he handed her an envelope.
Janet quickly glanced over the papers then opened the envelope. She looked up at him in disbelief then around at the living room. "They did all of this? You're my Christmas present?"
Daniel pointed to a less garish bow stuck to the lapel of his tux before taking her hands in his. "It seems you were a very good girl this year."
Janet leaned forward to rest her forehead against his chest. "And you?" She felt him wrap her arms around his waist so he could bring her closer. Janet repositioned herself so that she could hear his heartbeat.
"Me?" Daniel asked kissing the top of her head and running his fingers down her bared shoulder. "I was a very naughty boy."
Janet tried to contain her laughter as she looked up at him. "Really? How bad?"
"I was too chicken to tell you how I felt and Santa had to bail me out." His lips quirked upward in a smile as a blush warmed Janet's cheeks.
"How do you feel?" Janet asked softly tracing his jaw with her hand.
"I'm in love with you. I have been for awhile."
"Then I'm just as bad," Janet confessed with a sigh. "I've loved you for a long time and I didn't say anything because I was afraid you didn't feel the same."
"Does this qualify as a Christmas miracle then?" Daniel asked mischievously. He hugged Janet tightly as she laughed and looked up. Nudging her, he pointed to the ceiling.
"Oh my god," Janet said in awe. "They got the kitchen ceiling too?"
Daniel nodded. "And if you look they got the hallway, the stairs and, I think, your bedroom."
"Taking no chances, huh?" Janet raised an eyebrow.
"I guess not," Daniel looked back at the oven. "They also got us dinner from the restaurant."
Janet gently turned his face away from the oven. "I think dinner will keep for awhile, hmmm? It'd be a shame to let all that mistletoe go to waste," she said bringing his face down to hers for a kiss.
****
At the hotel, four women stepped into the frigid night air. As one they turned their faces to the sky and each took a deep breath. Then they looked at one another and chuckled.
"Beautiful night," Rei remarked.
"Yeah," Sam whispered. She turned as Jack and Teal'c came out. "Ready to go?" She asked reaching for Jack's hand.
"Yes, very ready," Jack shivered as he remembered the frenzy that had accompanied his appearance on stage. "I never want to do that again."
Sam smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Be nice to me and you won't have to. We'll start by you actually calling me by my name."
"Carter's not your name?" He smiled and slipped his arm around her waist. "Thank you, Samantha."
"You're welcome, Jack."
Val sighed happily. "There's another couple settled. For awhile I thought we'd have to do this to them next year." She turned to Sarah and Teal'c. "Got something to tell us Sarah?"
Sarah turned surprised eyes on them. "Us? No." She patted Teal'c's muscular arm. "But Teal'c has a very large savings account. We made arrangements for me to buy him. I'm taking him to a sci-fi convention this weekend and I'll introduce him to a few friends of mine."
"You mean Meg, Misty, Isabelle, Michelle and the rest of the list?" Rei asked.
"Yeah," Sarah smiled brightly.
"Tell them we said hi. No, they can't keep him and if they get him hooked on writing fanfic make sure they teach him the difference between a Mary Sue and an original character," Val chuckled.
"I shall endeavor to learn the difference," Teal'c said with a small bow. Then he turned to Sarah. "Fanfic?"
"I'll explain in the car, sweetie." With a wave she led Teal'c off to the parking lot.
A few moments later Jack and Sam left leaving Val, Rei and Cassie all alone. "Come along my pretties," Rei said grandly leading the way to her car. "Time to go have a little fun."
"What are we going to do?" Cassie asked.
"We're going to Vegas, my little Christmas dove," Rei declared. She turned around and laughed at Cassie's shocked expression.
"I thought you gave up your vacation money," Cassie sputtered.
"Well, yeah we did, " Val, said. "We didn't give up our mad money though."
"Mad money?"
Rei looked at her from over the top of her car. "Yes, mad money. It's for when you want to do *really* crazy stuff!" She smiled evilly. "We've decided to start corrupting you a little early. This is too good an opportunity to pass up!"
Cassie shook her head and got into the back seat. On the way to Rei's house she asked, "Do you think it's going well?"
Val turned around in her seat and smiled. "Probably. We'll know by Monday in any case."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if all goes well Daniel will come into the office with a goofy smile on his face. If not...your mom's probably going to have the state troopers looking for us."
"Possibly the FBI," Rei said.
A smile broke out on Cassie's face. "I'm finally old enough for the good stuff?"
Rei met her eyes in the rear view mirror. "Yup. Merry Christmas," she laughed. "Anyone who could think up giving Daniel to your mom as a Christmas present and find a way to execute it deserves to be inducted to the SGC Ladies officially."
Cassie leaned back in her seat. Her mom and Daniel had finally gotten together and she was going to get to play with the big girls. She raised her arms and let out a whoop.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!"
The End
